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My grandmother, my mother and my niece Sarah
I love my family, but I'm pretty much estranged from them. I'm the bastard, so I don't really feel like a part of them. I was the last to find out grandma died, her funeral is today and I only just found out yesterday that she had died last week. I'm sure I could get off work and try to hunt for proper clothes and a ride...but why? I'm not a funeral person, I will find out where she is buried later on and pay my respects on my own. Most of those who would show up would only be for show, 'cos she had money and 'cos they want to pretend they loved her.
I loved her...I wanted to see her, but my aunt put her in a home far off that I couldn't get to on the bus. For years I had family...and friends...promise to take me to see her, but they never did. She was born in 1920 making her 97 when she passed...it had been over a decade since I had seen her last. I was afraid to go without someone she would recognize (like mom) 'cos I didn't wanna scare her 'cos she might not know who I was. After grandpa died my mom called her every night and sometimes I'd talk to her on the phone. For how old she was, she was very quick-witted and funny with her comebacks. She lost her mobility first, but then her mind, too...so I knew she wouldn't recognize me. My fault for not having a car or for relying on broken promises of people who said they'd take me to see her.
After mom had died last year, they all went to go see grandma...without me.
This isn't another sap story for me, though. I'm happy she can rest with our Heavenly Father now. It is a solace for me as a believer that I will see my mother and grandmother (and other loved ones) in heaven someday. I will see them the way God intended them and they will see me the way God intended me.
I can't rely on family or friends to take me to see a loved one or to go out and do the things they promised...promises are meant to be broken. I'm learning that I can't wait for others to keep those promises, I have to do them myself. Someday, I will find out where she's buried and go on my own to see her then. Friends have promised to go out to try new foods and new things with me...like karaoke! I plan to do that soon, even if it's just by myself with no one to share it with...I'm gonna do it for myself, 'cos I wanna love myself.
I loved her...I wanted to see her, but my aunt put her in a home far off that I couldn't get to on the bus. For years I had family...and friends...promise to take me to see her, but they never did. She was born in 1920 making her 97 when she passed...it had been over a decade since I had seen her last. I was afraid to go without someone she would recognize (like mom) 'cos I didn't wanna scare her 'cos she might not know who I was. After grandpa died my mom called her every night and sometimes I'd talk to her on the phone. For how old she was, she was very quick-witted and funny with her comebacks. She lost her mobility first, but then her mind, too...so I knew she wouldn't recognize me. My fault for not having a car or for relying on broken promises of people who said they'd take me to see her.
After mom had died last year, they all went to go see grandma...without me.
This isn't another sap story for me, though. I'm happy she can rest with our Heavenly Father now. It is a solace for me as a believer that I will see my mother and grandmother (and other loved ones) in heaven someday. I will see them the way God intended them and they will see me the way God intended me.
I can't rely on family or friends to take me to see a loved one or to go out and do the things they promised...promises are meant to be broken. I'm learning that I can't wait for others to keep those promises, I have to do them myself. Someday, I will find out where she's buried and go on my own to see her then. Friends have promised to go out to try new foods and new things with me...like karaoke! I plan to do that soon, even if it's just by myself with no one to share it with...I'm gonna do it for myself, 'cos I wanna love myself.
