I try to do this at the turn of every year, basically going over the past year and outlook for next year.
Personal News
Well, there's a lot to say. I've kinda been through the wringer. I am fortunate for where I'm at now 'cos I have to remind myself it could be a lot worse...but even still, I go through a lot and some of it I do to myself. I keep saying I don't wanna use my Blogger to vent or whine like I did when I had social media so I'll try not to, but I guess I can just make some bullet points on the things I've gone through in this last year:
-I got too lax early in the year 'cos of political things I felt loosened up-
-I fell into a lot of laziness and sin, distracting me from what I should be doing-
-I am under constant spiritual attack...I see it...I need to focus on God more-
-the enemy is trying to hurt me through people, work, home, money, health, everything-
-tried to get "back to work" on things I should be doing, but not enough-
-worked on The DrGAKMAN Secret Menu more, so that's good-
-still have ideas for expanding that, but I'm not gonna rush that-
-have lots of other personal projects I need to get on, but have been lazy/distracted-
-I (stupidly) tried to talk to some girls again, same results, I should've known better-
-depression & loneliness followed, but I had to be thankful for what I *do* have-
-lack of romantic love in my life gets to me...but I have to remind myself I can't have that-
-that's another way for the enemy to get me...and those evil spirits have been all over me-
-this leads me to lust and anger...more aggressively in this last year I see my problems-
-lust will always be a thing, but my anger can be dangerous and I see that more now-
-I am taking steps to de-amplify my anger by SLOWING DOWN on purpose-
-I have noticed that when I'm in a rush, I become more stressed-
-anger already in me boils over when something brings my rushed state to a halt-
-I have already found great results in just slowing down, not rushing everything-
-from others pov, no one wants to be around me when I'm rushed or worse; angry-
-in my anger I've done some stupid shit this last year and had to pay for it-
-speaking for paying for stuff, there's been a lot of major purchases this year-
-Switch 2 came out, Metroid Prime 4, etc., money money money-
-rent, bills & food went up...but that's the same for everyone-
-dental work I was putting off (still more to do) was more money gone-
-wore out my shoes and dropped my phone so there's goes money I didn't have-
-all these money things happened in a row leading up to repeatedly maxing my credit card-
-after a long time of doing this I...finally went with a debt solution company-
-was so worried about it, but...glad I did it and I'm on my way to fixing that now-
-gonna take years, but it had to happen and I'm making adjustments to not using credit-
-actually losing a lil' weight 'cos of it, too...need to do more of that-
-new shoes and new phone are great, so it's good that it happened the way it did-
-purposely set aside time to play games when I got Switch 2...felt great-
-always have projects I could be doing, but relaxing with that would be better than my lust-
-lust + ai = me messing with ai BS too much-
-I need to focus more on God's mission for a Christ believer like me-
-spending more of my time on Him and winning souls for Christ leaves less time for sin-
-I have so many projects to work on and fun to have that sin takes away from that too-
-I need strength and prayer to fight against my weaknesses-
Boy that was a lot without going into too much detail. I pray this year is better. There was good in 2025, but also a lot of bad...I want more good for 2026. I pray for the people of this world to have a better year no matter where the world itself is headed.
Blogger & YouTube News
On my list of projects is my Blogger itself, I've been updating here and there, but I need to do more and create more content for the bleak pages. Wasting time on distractions is a problem, but I plan to do more and am off to a better start this year. Blogger & YouTube plans:
-gonna finish the "Nintendo Is Gonna Nintendo" on my main Nintendo AGENDA page-
-try to make more Nintendo AGENDA subpages if I catch up on other parts of the page-
-edit unneeded stuff out of my BTWB PokéMon GO page-
-try to make daily routine vid for the "Beginners Tips" on my BWTB PokéMon GO page-
-thought of making dramatic reading vids of NeoGAF posts, ha ha, but probably not-
-need to use ai for something better, maybe the "Storytime With DrGAKMAN" idea?-
-speaking of, probably gonna update my DrGAKMAN Profile as it may have tmi?-
-fill in my Japanimation & ASIA AGENDA pages-
-make GAMESWAP GOODIES and DrGAKMAN DIET pages-
-I have more of The DrGAKMAN Secret Menu ideas, but I need to not overdo it-
-digitize, fix & upload some old tapes I did when I was a kid-
-biggest one: make more content for MYSTERY ministries-
-I need to make a vid for my "GOD IN 1-2-3" to start-
Always so much more to say and do, but I'll leave it at this for now. Oh yeah and here's some YouTube vids I made already this year to show off to my Nintendo Collection 2026 Updates and BWTB PokéMon GO 2025 Results:
Been a long time since giving any updates and it’s past due to post about some things. I don’t wanna use my blogger to whine or vent or treat it like social media…but I’ve been going through A LOT.
I’ve been financially, mentally, emotionally…spiritually under attack! Sometimes I think it’s ‘cos we’re nearing the end and that the enemy is out to hurt us before the Lord takes us. I’m also at fault for my own pain and I’ve been making it worse by falling into an addiction into something I know is wrong. Don’t wanna air my dirty laundry, but it deals with lust which has always been my vice.
I’ve hit these moments in my life before. Fall on hard times at work or with money, health, family, friends, girls, etc. and I hole up to myself and shun the world. Recently, I’ve tried to be nice to (not courting, pursuing or chasing after) some girls I like with very disheartening results. Preemptively rejecting me, getting weirded out by me assuming the worst, going completely cold or silent and just plain disappearing. It’s no wonder I’m usually cold, bitter, lonely and have problems with lust. I know this is the enemy attacking me, knowing my weakness…they won’t win as I didn’t do anything wrong and am always overthinking what people think of me. I just don’t want anyone thinking I’m a creep or trying to “get” them…if anything, I know love won’t happen for me and I’ve tried to make peace with that.
I don't want to focus on that anymore, but when it rains it pours and the biggest life thing for me right now is my debt. I always joked that I’ll just have work ‘til the day I die to pay it off…while there’s still some truth to that due to how the world works I decided to make changes. The way it was for years coming into this year was that I just used my credit card for everything and put all my extra money towards my credit card bill every month. It finally caught up to me as I had been maxing out my card sooner and sooner every month so all the money I was putting into it meant nothing and I couldn’t buy anything (was mainly using it for food. So I signed up with a credit debt control company and they’ll be taking my money to get my credit card paid down and off instead of just trapped in paying interest forever. Very difficult adjustments are being made in my life to live without a credit card, but so far it’s not much worse than how it was with a constantly maxed card and now I’m working towards being debt-free. Learning to eat out less, shop better, cook more, manage the little money I have leftover after bills better, sacrifice things I would normally buy all the time…sucks but I’ve done this before in the past and I have to. I’m always in my head about the “what if” of some other crisis that comes along preventing me from committing to a program like this, but I’ve lived in the same place and worked the same jobs since 2012 so I had to do it while I’m stable enough to commit to it before any crisis or change comes.
I really have to thank my co-workers at GAMESWAP and GFS for setting aside food for me and listening to me whine about this. I also thank my best friend Sarah for being there for me too. Thank you all.
In Blogger news, I’ve been very slack in updates and working on projects as I’ve been distracted by things I shouldn’t have been distracted by. I have been on top of my BWTB PokéMon GO page and updating The DrGAKMAN Secret Menu page and items but I really need to do more for my other pages and projects. I also need to devote more time to enjoy my collections of music, movies & games which I did earlier this year and it felt good to relax/enjoy without always constantly working or worse, being distracted.
I usually make this kind of post around the new year with DrGAKMAN updates, but I'm running late on all that. 2024 was...crazy...I thought we were headed to the end with how much the "bad guys" were winning. While I still think the end is near and there's still so much I want to do reach more people with the Gospel of Salvation through Christ, part of me is relieved at how the American election turned out (as well as how quickly it was finished) and I felt some weight off my shoulders and hopeful that maybe we have more time before the end.
In that though, I rested and laxed on some 2024 goals and even though I feel we might have more time, I've squandered a chunk of that time on things I shouldn't be messing with. Not gonna focus on that here as I know the flesh is weak and I will always have to battle my vices. I did make some progress on my Blogger (keeping up with updating my MYSTERY ministries, The DrGAKMAN Secret Menu, Nintendo AGENDA, PokéMon GO BWTB pages) hacking some things and actually making new Secret Menu items so that's good. Trying to make more efforts to be a better person, friend, brother and worker and (futility) trying to work on my budget/debt.
Still though, I always feel I'm way behind 'cos I do waste the tiny bit of free time I have on stuff I shouldn't. I have to say that again, this last years VGA's were trash (Nintendo should just do their own awards show) and the only awards show that matters is Mega 64's Todd & Aaron Awards:
2025 kinda off to a good start, gettin' some things done and while I have so many things to do, I am also going to purposely make time to enjoy what I've got which is difficult for me 'cos I'm always thinking about other projects I should work on. I have to keep busy though, to keep from getting distracted by my vices. I want to work on my Blogger pages more, make new ones and work on newer Secret Menu items, but I also have a lot of games & shows/movies I haven't finished so I need to enjoy those more. I'm already almost done with Maison Ikkoku (which is a long series, thanks to Sarah for watching it with me) and keeping up with Switch 2 news, my taxes and such...I gotta do a BWTB year-end video (even though we're in February) 'cos I hit lvl 50 in PokéMon GO!
I have to spend less time on BS and take some time to enjoy the time we have, but also not get too comfy 'cos there's more work to do!
As I contemplate my future...and the future of this world...I've taken a step back on a lot of things. One part knowing that I should be spending the little time I have on more important things like seeing souls saved, learning & teaching more about God's Word and spreading the hope & joy of salvation through Christ. Another part wanting to continue this Blogger as it was with my posts & pages about entertainment, food & work but knowing that the more important part has me putting that on the back burner needing to focus on what really matters.
I'm no longer making individual DrGAKMAN DIET or GAMESWAP GOODIES posts, I will probably end up making separate pages for those topics that I'd occasionally update with stuff...but a lot of that has to be put on hold 'cos there's more pressing topics to discuss.
I have still been lightly updating my main page here'n'there but the page I really want to focus on is the MYSTERY ministries page.
The last post four months ago seemed like a panic. I am right with God and I don't fear what is to come for me. God doesn't want us to be sick with worry or be in constant fear so this isn't talk of fear-mongering...this is more of a warning just in case the end is coming sooner.
I don't want it to come so soon for there's many things I wish to experience in this world (silly things like personal projects, video games, movies, spending time with friends, etc.), but they're quite trivial things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things so I don't want to waste time that would be better spent on helping those who are lost and not right with God be better prepared for what is to come. But again, at the same time, God doesn't want us to live in a state of worry or fear and not enjoy the life we have.
This "Lion of Judah" channel is interesting, but I don't take the same doctrinal perspective they have on certain things. But this video is right...our economic world bubble is being set-up to bust with the only solution in sight being an Anti-Christ with the mark of the beast ready for us. The video also points out that we all have this thought in the back of our head that something Earth-changing is coming...'cos it is!
People have thought the end was coming before in the past...they were correct but the timing wasn't there yet. Is our time here, is the end near? I'm always 50/50 knowing that every day that goes by is a day closer...the pieces are in place but we've been wrong before about the timing...I pray we have more time, more of a grace period so more people can come to Christ for salvation...no one will know the time, could be very soon or very far off. We must live every day fully like it's our last but we should be prepared for our last day!
There's an order of events and I should write more on my MYSTERY ministries page about it...I have squandered too much of the time given being too comfortable in my life...I need to learn & teach more about what is to come.
I feel we're running out of time in this world. I mean, every day that goes by is a day closer to the end and many people in times past have said the end is coming, but then others don't heed those warnings 'cos it didn't happen...
...yet...
...I'm not predicting a when or a how, just that it's coming sooner. There's so many things in just this month alone that are signs of bigger things to come:
Things like this have happened before...sure, you can say they don't matter or mean anything...but, all at once...within the space of one month?
I'm a believer and I don't base my faith on fuzzy feelings, but this is a lot of signs all at once. Christ told us that the end of this age comes as the Earth has more labor pains just like a woman about to give birth has more contractions near the end of her pregnancy.
The world is falling apart not just with these signs and what's happening in this month ahead, but as the rulers of this world purposely are leading us towards social, political, economic, environmental collapse and on the brink of multiple wars...just like the Bible said would happen. All these things have a solution...someone who will come in and offer peace and "fix" this broken world...the Anti-Christ...possibly even in this year of the dragon?
Before that, there is a great falling away...I know where my final destination is as I have accepted Christ as my savior. He has already paid the sin-debt we all owe to God with His death, burial & resurrection...all you have to do is accept that free gift to make peace with God!
I say all this...to a world that hates us for it...too late...I wanted to do so much more to see souls saved & saints edified with the truth of Christ but I haven't done enough. I'm not crazy or suicidal or whatever the powers that be will say we believers are when Christ comes to take us away before the Anti-Christ comes to power. Get right with God before it's too late!
Wish my phone had a better camera to take these shots...I've often thought or making some kind of project out of some of the nature photos I take, anyways...
Usually I try to make an update post about "The DrGAKMAN NETWORK", my projects and what's been going on in my life around the turn of every year but I'm late here. Been busy being lazy...I got a lot done in this last year but there's still always more to do!
2023 & Early 2024
Like I said I got a lot done so I feel some pressure off me. I hacked the shit out of my Wii, Switch & 3DS to do all I want so I feel those projects are past me and I plan on updating my Nintendo AGENDA stuff with info about those so I won't go on about it here. I updated said page and the BWTB PokéMon GO & Nintendo Power Checklist side pages (though, I still need to do more). Big Strides on the updating, collecting & videos of the Nintendo Power stuff, but I'm looking to update all my YouTube thumbnails (more on that later). Worked more on other pages and design elements of my YouTube & Blogger but I again, still have more work to do...but I'm further along in getting started on more pages and put a lot of body on the page I feel is most important: my MYSTERY ministries page.
Went further in updating The DrGAKMAN Secret Menu items and even made business (?) QR code cards to give out and I have way more plans for updating the page here, adding more archive discs & drives and re-working how they'll be presented, cased & sold.
At work I have done a lot to improve my attitude towards work and others and let go of problems I have and just try to do better for our customers and the store's health. I view it as my livelihood! I have been organizing more there, not just out on the floor where customers can find more stuff better displayed but also behind the counter as I had gotten this shelving system going so we have less stuff off the floor and we can walk through it easier and storing/organizing stuff. I got to the corner where a lot of untested & broken items get thrown and I re-organized it to be easier to go through which I hope to do more of as a goal this year. I've also been learning more about repairing games, accessories & systems so we can sell more and so I can offer that as more of a service.
On top of that I'm now relaxing on my first planned & paid "vacation" (staycation, really) for the first time in my life...it's from Wednesday to Sunday so, 4 days off from work though 2 of those days will be for Sinnoh PokéMon GO Tour this weekend...but still, time off.
Personally I have really stuck to myself and my projects. I gave up on some past stuff 'cos I foresaw it as something that would cause problems but it came back in a new form and I know I can't have it attached to the "DrGAKMAN" persona but I struggled with doing or not. Something happened more recently that I saw as a sign not to follow through with it so I'm just keeping it to myself and also as a result I've shelled up more away from most people (especially females) except a close few. Thought I could attach this idea to my YouTube thumbnails I'm working on in order to get more "attention" 'cos ya know, sex sells...but I won't 'cos I know it'd be a problem and I don't wanna get distracted from the actual content I'm making nor me as a person or my real cause in seeing souls saved and saints edified through Christ!
A close friend from the past got married in this last year and it was eye-opening and I feel it made me "grow up" 'cos of it. It was heartbreaking to let go, but also I'm very happy for her and it's taught me some things.
The world is...getting crazy...and closer to the end, but I'm still trying to live every day fuller in case it is the last. Lot's of things I'm looking forward to and a lot I'm not...but gotta stay focused! Rest of this post will be random "DrGAKMAN NEWS" that's happened in this last year...
Took pics of these shoes months ago and they're still lookin' good and workin' good for me...love, just had to show 'em off.
AI, AI, AI...pffft...this is absolutely amazing. AI ain't got shit on this.
The VGA's ain't got shit on Todd & Aaron's Game Awards!
I'm late on this post, but I wanted to give some updates on myself & my projects. As always, I feel I'm way behind on so much, but I should also reflect on this last year and realize I've done a lot! I've worked more picking up more shifts @ GFS all year, then working 7 days a week near the end of the year. I'm back down to 6 days a week working and my "day off" is also filled with work on my life & projects and I've made many changes in my routines to work with this new schedule. I've made so many changes, but I still have to break some bad habits I'm not wasting time and give more time to things I should be.
Time is more valuable than money at this point in my life, but I am finding more of a balance with some side hustles to make more money and working towards giving myself the time to work on what I want to work on: myself, this blogger, my youtube and personal projects. My big side hustle has been The DrGAKMAN Secret Menu which I made HUGE strides in creating more archive discs & drives to not only make some money, but also be productive with my time and share things with people that they can't get any other way! It's a good feeling.
I have restructured my blogger and am trying to make more content and re-think how to organize them so I'm creating more and restructuring less. There will still be structural changes (get rid of some clutter, re-size things, etc.) on the overall blogger but I think it's nearly close to the way I want it. Content wise what has worked is my big (but organized with clickable jumps to each section in the page) BWTB PokéMon GO page. So I made my NINTENDO POWER Checklist page like that...speaking of which I finished the main chunk of my NP Checklist yt videos going through all 285 volumes which is an accomplishment. There's still more to do with that, but that's the main thing done! Since those pages work for me, I'm going to do that with most of my other pages so there's less clutter, links and sub-pages. I have so much I want to write & do for these pages/projects but I don't have enough time. A big one I need to re-commit to my MYSTERY ministries as I believe that to be the most important, especially in the time we're heading towards.
Didn't really post about much news or personal stuff in the last year (again, time) but I have made many posts for the DrGAKMAN DIET and GAMESWAP GOODIES once I dropped doing monthly videos for those. I will continue that and sprinkle in other posts for Nintendo AGENDA, ASIA AGENDA, Japanimation Station, DrGAKMAN DJ & TV.
Near the end of every year I usually say something about the Video Game Awards but it's a lil' pointless with so many more important stuff going on...there were some improvements, but overall I only watch for the small change of Nintendo stuff and to keep my eye on how bad the rest of "teh industwy" is. I'll have more to say about Nintendo to say later (again, in future Nintendo AGENDA pages, posts & yt vids), but I'll end this post with Mega 64 Todd & Aaron Awards:
This isn't just about personal feelings or the many other believers who have the same feelings...it's more. I have God's Word and the labor pains the world is going through that we can see what's coming. I dunno when, but every day that goes by we get closer to this end.
I have so much left undone in my life but more than that there are so many lost out there that I want to share what I've learned so they can learn and see what's coming as well. I have not been a good representative for Christ, I have so much sin in anger, loneliness and lust that I have not done more to spread His gospel of truth and salvation. I have so many projects outside of my MYSTERY ministries in part to try to distract from my sinful nature, but if the end is coming soon then these projects may have been as wasteful as the energy I've spent on my sins.
I understand a lot about God, the Bible, Salvation, dispensationalism, creation, where this world is headed, the "big picture"...all of these things I want to teach & learn...but life, work, projects and worse: sin, have distracted me from what I know I must do more of.
This world is quickly rushing towards a one-world structure the book of the Revelation unto John warns of. Religious organizations, economies & currencies, banks & corporations, all medias, world leaders & governments are culminating to this one-world order under a coming one-world leader. The world has been headed for this for a long time, the end times have been talked of before through natural disasters, plagues, wars and evils throughout history...but as we get closer to the actual end times God's Word tells us these contractions come on stronger and more often like a mother in labor before giving birth.
As I return to creating content for my MYSTERY ministries page here, I want to write more about what I see coming near the end. This isn't fueled by personal problems or feelings, but just what we're seeing happening. It's not some silly church lady vision...it's God's Word coupled with what's happening.
Part of me feels I've wasted so much of my life distracted from what I should be learning & teaching more of...but there's still time I need to make use of. Jesus tells us to continue on keeping in mind what's coming...so I'm continuing on with life, work, my projects...but I've felt attacked to waste more time on my sins instead of giving that time and energy to what God really wants us to do.
Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
In my sin I have wrongfully sought vengeance for the wrong that has been done to me...but vengeance isn't for me to dispense. That right is for the all-seeing, all-knowing God of the universe, only His judgement is justice. Likewise, in being the true Judge, He forgives so I must forgive the wrong that has been done to me 'cos I am not better than God.
By putting this in writing so as to better to keep my word: I have to forgive, let go of my vengeance and turn away from my sin.
Also, I want to again recommit to my MYSTERY ministries project to learn/teach more of what my Savior wants me to do.
Or should I say, going back to the way it was previously in some ways? I am a picky planning, procrastinating perfectionist when it comes to my projects so I'm always thinking about changing the format of them as I go.
Bringing post tags back is the main change. I thought that I was gonna make individual pages for each project and replace regular posts with pages, but now I'm going back to posts for some things, but this time the posts will not be a bunch of mixed pics and text of a bunch of things for each month...instead they will come more randomly with only one focused topic that I'll write more about.
Still working on bigger pages for bigger projects too, but will also have regular posts now that tags are back to sift through the different types of posts.
Always a work in progress, I know, but it's difficult to find a groove on posts & pages when I'm always working.
Shortly after the new year I made some changes here and in my life. A big change is dropping an old project ("Anti-porn Alternatives" or "The Gentleman Pervert") which was a difficult decision to make...but in that I think it will help me re-focus on other project and relieves some stress from my life. I will still have a page for the project explaining a history of it and why I ultimately abandoned it, but it won't be a continuing project.
In an effort to be more productive with my time with my Blogger & YouTube I have decided to get rid of some things, move others, yadda yadda. I have decided that projects (even smaller ones) will instead have their own page, while posts will only be for general "DrGAKMAN NEWS" and updates. I don't want my content to be just like random pic posts or reviews...I really love how my BWTB PokéMon GO page works and am using that as an outline for how I'm doing other pages so I've decided that I'm leaning more towards that.
-removed blog post tags-
-GAMESWAP GOODIES will soon have a page, not posts-
-DrGAKMAN DIET will also get a page, not posts-
-DrGAKMAN TV & DJ may also get separate pages, but I'm unsure how?-
-"Anti-Porn Alternatives" is now "The Gentleman Pervert"-
-these above pages will be under the "DrGAKMAN Projects" page-
-under Nintendo AGENDA I'm combining the "generation" pages to one page-
-soon to publish "My Nintendo Collection" page under Nintendo AGENDA-
With these and other changes I hope to focus more on actual content pages and less on meager blog posts.
My New Year's was spent with Sarah again and I didn't watch TV TV, I used my time machine to celebrate with Ernest/Jim Varney...
Was gonna post earlier in my Blogger about "The Game Awards" but I don't wanna talk too much about it 'cos it sucked. I'm not even gonna post the YouTube or link 'cos it's a waste of time. I watch things like this to keep my finger on the pulse of da gamez industwy and it's sad/funny how out of touch they are. I know they think they're doing good as an industry and with this awards show, but they're not. Yes, I am a Nintendo-only gamer and I can appreciate other non-Nintendo stuff...but here's reality: Nintendo has nearly most marketshare and mindshare yet da gamez industwy is denial about it and Nintendo hardly there or mentioned. These awards mean little to nothing when they're pre-decided who's gonna fit a certain agenda to "win" and the agenda's are progressively political or based on PlayStation era popularity contests. Structurally, the categories are broken (there's an action and action/adventure category yet sports & racing are put together?) and the nominees are broken (PokéMon GO is never in for best ongoing game and Nintendo has 4 out of 5 games in the family game category yet loses?) and overall it seems to be the idea that everyone's a winner 'cos every game gets some award to appease fans of any one game that year. So much focus on non-gaming music, celebrities & movies. I knew the PlayStation era was bringing all this (which is the main reason I am against Sony in games) 'cos it's less about gameplay and more about interactive movies...which is what half that crap is to me.
This brings to mind my old idea that if they're gonna ignore Nintendo, Nintendo should ignore them and just make their own awards show like Nintendo Power magazine used to have it's own awards.
Still for me, the best awards show is Todd & Aaron from Mega64:
As for the New Year, pffft...same shit, different year. I have plans to do more for my Blogger & YouTube including more posts & content but it's hard to be motivated when I see where the world is going. I work on this to keep my mind busy & distracted from those problems but I need to add more to my MYSTERY ministries where I can try to address what's going on in the world.
For myself, personally, I feel a bit of a change in me. I'm a negative persons sometimes, but I wanna be more positive...I've made many changes to myself and how I think & live in this past year and I think they are positive changes to make me better and to eliminate stress.
Sarah Ann Sharp is my best friend. Some people have been jealous of our strong relationship and have tried to mess it up...but they can't...and they won't.
She has always been there for me and I will always be there for her. She is so very good, unconditionally kind and forgiving...sometimes the opposite of myself. Like me, she has a dangerous medical condition that makes her vulnerable and I just wanna protect her so much 'cos I care about her deeply. This condition is a curse to her, but in a way it's shaped who she is. She is difficult to understand sometimes 'cos it affects her mind, her communication, her reasoning and her memory...but it also makes her so open and accepting of someone like me. She is very understanding of my own conditions 'cos she, like me, has also faced death and has had difficulty in love.
When something goes wrong in my life, when I think of dying in the future...she is the first one I think of in this world. I couldn't leave her alone in this world and with her I am not alone. When I think of a friend or a mate...none of them compare to her. When I fear my troubles and life's hardships...I think of how hard life is for her and it strengthens my will.
We have similar beliefs, goals & interests...we just work. I sometimes am down or find myself wasting time with idle hands in my loneliness...but sometimes she's just there hanging around me unknowingly keeping me from those troubles.
I find that in trying to make other friends or mates they don't meet up to the standards I am used to with her. More people should be like her!
I thank her and I thank God for her every day. I don't have to question how she feels about me 'cos I know she feels exactly the same.
Changing some things again in the "DrGAKMAN NETWORK"! Time is a resource I feel I have less and less of so I decided to streamline some things so I can spend less time on some things and more time on other things. Instead of spending a whole day off (or more) on planning, making & uploading (then later storing) multiple YouTube vids of pics I've taken in the previous month covering BWTB PokéMon GO, GAMESWAP GOODIES and DrGAKMAN DIET every month, I've decided not to. Those projects will still continue but the time and energy (as well as again, storage) spent on these vids wasn't getting the results I wanted. In making these vids I'd end up rambling on tangents which no one was watching...so why do it? Time wasted when I could be doing other stuff I wanna do, including other projects for my Blogger & YouTube. So here's the plan...
BWTB PokéMon GO On my Blogger I still have a huge page devoted to it and want to do more with that page which I will eventually be able to do by not doing my (too) long monthly "results" vids. On my YouTube I still have the BWTB PokéMon GO playlist under my Nintendo AGENDA section but future videos are planned to be shorter beginners tips and other type content and maybe an end of year results video. Pics that I used to have in the vids with weird glitches and the like may be put on the main Blogger page instead.
GAMESWAP GOODIES & DrGAKMAN DIET
On my Blogger I will put the pics I'd normally use for the YouTube vids in posts instead. This will be faster/easier for me whilst still keeping the projects going and beefing up my Blogger posts, too. They will have simple short "disclaimers" at the beginning of each post to explain them a lil' bit and invite interaction with readers. On my YouTube the previous video formats of these projects have been moved into a DrGAKMAN Archives section. Occasionally I may still do videos here and there for particularly interesting things for these projects and I'm hoping they'll be more in the video format than in a slideshow format. I'm planning on making videos of recipes I make myself, favorite restaurants I go to for DrGAKMAN DIET and commercial type tours of GAMESWAP for GAMESWAP GOODIES.
In addition to these changes I'm planning (hoping) to have more time for other projects in the DrGAKMAN NETWORK and in my life. I have so many ideas to get out there, but I also have to make some more money and actually enjoy the stuff I spent my money on. I'm also wanting to make some changes in my personal life so that I'm wasting less time on things that distract me from what's more important!
Most people want attention. Not just to receive it, but to give it...like it was currency. That's why they announce things irl life like as if they had an online or tv audience, why they give & take entertainment, attract drama, get in fights, seek sympathy, "love" or other emotions...sometimes even out of boredom.
I think sometimes this is okay, a personality trait or even human nature...but it's never okay to be like this all the time, living for it or driven by it. I used to accuse people of doing it in my mind, but I know I've done it myself and I'm making an effort not be that way. Getting rid of social media really helped in that.
I still have this blogger and my YouTube, but moreso for myself since any audience I have through them is not for seeking any fame. I like to create things others enjoy, I like to be praised or complimented, I like when a pretty girl smiles at me...but today (February 26TH) is my bday and I'm trying to come to the wisdom of discerning attention vs loneliness.
I have been alone (physically and as a single person) a lot of my life and I don't think most people have or could deal with that amount of being alone. Mostly I like being alone, though...I have so many personal ideas & projects that I need the "me time" to work on and enjoy them for myself. I also enjoy getting to know myself and the best way I see to do that is in being alone. Sure, you also have to be able to like yourself being around and interacting with others, but it's a balance.
Throughout my life I'd go through these phases of (desperately) seeking attention from others (sometimes thinking it was love, maybe?) then I'd realize I was just being used (they fed off the attention I'd give them until they were done with it) so then I'd be a hermit avoiding to give or receive any attention. I say phases like it being an on/off switch...my emotions and mentality is always active so I can't flip that like a switch, but I make choices to go to or stay away from others in phases.
Just writing some thoughts here for others to think about...and if not that, then maybe this'll just be for myself.
I think there'd be more real love in this world and less heartache if we didn't treat attention like a form of currency.
I'm not proud of it or standing up for it...I'm just admitting it. I'm a male chauvinistic pig or whatever other "bad man" label you wanna diagnose me with. I'm at this point in my life where I'm gonna be more upfront, here I am: a bad man. Never claimed to be a good guy, in fact I've always warned girls who get too close that I'm not good. This isn't self hate or pity, guilt, apology, cry for help or whatever...just truth! I try to be good, I think I'm good most of the time...but I have to admit, there is a dark side to me sometimes...and it's a part of me and not going away.
More recently I've done some pretty nasty stuff to some exes to just cut them off. I was wrong, I'm not the type to burn bridges or close doors, but it was the way that I saw to get rid of them. I love for life, I still love them, but since they don't want me back in any form beyond fake friendship (using me) I had to let go of the pathetic hope that we'd be real friends or anything beyond.
I have emotional and physical problems that can no longer hold onto hope for love. It's too difficult for me, so I told them what I really wanted, they didn't like it and now I know where I stand. Have a nice life.
I also write this so that when the sjw mob tries to come for me some day, I'll point to this admittance, I'm not hiding. I told you I was bad. I'm a pervert, I love/lust pretty girls with breasts and buttocks...not gonna apologize for it. I'm not out to hurt or "get" anyone, just admitting what I like. I am the gentleman pervert.
Maybe I'm also writing this 'cos I'm too old to try to go after girls who do not want me in any way, beyond using me. I get my hopes up too high and it's too painful falling from those heights. Breathing is already too difficult for me to be living off thin air.
New Years plans? Not watching the NY ball drop like I usually do. Network, or really any TV, just pisses me off. So fake and TV stations have watermarks that burn-in to my new TV, took 3 days to get that burn-in out! Last time I watched TV tv was election night...stayed up all night watching the election get stolen in real time...heartbreaking. No more MSM, either!
So what am I gonna do? Well, I've been spendin' too much time worrying about our country & world that I need to be away from that and give it up to God...whatever be will be. I'm gonna stay up with Sarah, watch something entertaining instead and our "countdown" will be within the world of Animal Crossing.
I haven't been keepin' up on my Blogger too much, beyond my usual procrastination. I've been distracted by life and the current state of this world to be able to focus on my projects.
I have even contemplated deleting everything (Blogger, YouTube, etc.) and going more off the grid than I already have. I love my projects...but the things going on in this world go beyond mere hobbies & entertainment.
I'll just come out and say it: this election was rigged. The amount of conspiracy, fraud, cover-ups and censorship surrounding all this is treason! I say this knowing I will be labelled all sorts of negative things, potentially lose my Blogger/YouTube, maybe even lose friends or my job. Why? Because I have a different point-of-view, belief system or opinion...that's scary. The opposition mockingly uses the "mah freedomz" argument to try to shut us up...but it's true; our freedoms are at stake: a free/fair election, free speech to voice our concerns even if they differ from others, freedom to work for a living, freedom to protect ourselves.
Instead we are told to believe everything our government, media (news, social, entertainment), theoretical psuedo-science & psycho-babble psychology programs us to think...I mean, these things (who are all run by the same powers that be) wouldn't lie to us, would they (sarcasm)?
Even as my name is on some lists out there and I'm already labelled as something I'm not...I have to say I'm not a Trumper, republican or even political and I don't even vote ('cos I know things like this happen)...but I do stand for truth...and the truth is there are MANY problems in this election that go beyond simple irregularities.
I don't wanna use my Blogger to vent anymore, nor do I want to fall back to habits I had when I was on social media. My Blogger is not for that...but I am highly concerned about issues I really don't want to speak of for fear of being a bigger target of this impending negative future.
All this is out of my hands...I can't do anything about it, I just pray that the truth comes out and this world turns around before things get worse.
Back to my Blogger news, though I am very distracted by the issues above, I've consolidated all my BWTB PokéMon pages into one page and archived/removed some pages & posts to clean up some stuff. As always, more content & organization is coming, just most of it is still stuck in my head.
I hope that things straighten up in this world so I can breath and get back to my projects...what worries me is that things will get so bad that my projects won't really matter and I'll have to shift focus to things I've been putting off for far too long...things that matter most, like seeing souls saved & saints edified by truth.
I love my family, but I'm pretty much estranged from them. I'm the bastard, so I don't really feel like a part of them. I was the last to find out grandma died, her funeral is today and I only just found out yesterday that she had died last week. I'm sure I could get off work and try to hunt for proper clothes and a ride...but why? I'm not a funeral person, I will find out where she is buried later on and pay my respects on my own. Most of those who would show up would only be for show, 'cos she had money and 'cos they want to pretend they loved her.
I loved her...I wanted to see her, but my aunt put her in a home far off that I couldn't get to on the bus. For years I had family...and friends...promise to take me to see her, but they never did. She was born in 1920 making her 97 when she passed...it had been over a decade since I had seen her last. I was afraid to go without someone she would recognize (like mom) 'cos I didn't wanna scare her 'cos she might not know who I was. After grandpa died my mom called her every night and sometimes I'd talk to her on the phone. For how old she was, she was very quick-witted and funny with her comebacks. She lost her mobility first, but then her mind, too...so I knew she wouldn't recognize me. My fault for not having a car or for relying on broken promises of people who said they'd take me to see her.
After mom had died last year, they all went to go see grandma...without me.
This isn't another sap story for me, though. I'm happy she can rest with our Heavenly Father now. It is a solace for me as a believer that I will see my mother and grandmother (and other loved ones) in heaven someday. I will see them the way God intended them and they will see me the way God intended me.
I can't rely on family or friends to take me to see a loved one or to go out and do the things they promised...promises are meant to be broken. I'm learning that I can't wait for others to keep those promises, I have to do them myself. Someday, I will find out where she's buried and go on my own to see her then. Friends have promised to go out to try new foods and new things with me...like karaoke! I plan to do that soon, even if it's just by myself with no one to share it with...I'm gonna do it for myself, 'cos I wanna love myself.
