Been a long time since giving any updates and it’s past due to post about some things. I don’t wanna use my blogger to whine or vent or treat it like social media…but I’ve been going through A LOT.
I’ve been financially, mentally, emotionally…spiritually under attack! Sometimes I think it’s ‘cos we’re nearing the end and that the enemy is out to hurt us before the Lord takes us. I’m also at fault for my own pain and I’ve been making it worse by falling into an addiction into something I know is wrong. Don’t wanna air my dirty laundry, but it deals with lust which has always been my vice.
I’ve hit these moments in my life before. Fall on hard times at work or with money, health, family, friends, girls, etc. and I hole up to myself and shun the world. Recently, I’ve tried to be nice to (not courting, pursuing or chasing after) some girls I like with very disheartening results. Preemptively rejecting me, getting weirded out by me assuming the worst, going completely cold or silent and just plain disappearing. It’s no wonder I’m usually cold, bitter, lonely and have problems with lust. I know this is the enemy attacking me, knowing my weakness…they won’t win as I didn’t do anything wrong and am always overthinking what people think of me. I just don’t want anyone thinking I’m a creep or trying to “get” them…if anything, I know love won’t happen for me and I’ve tried to make peace with that.
I don't want to focus on that anymore, but when it rains it pours and the biggest life thing for me right now is my debt. I always joked that I’ll just have work ‘til the day I die to pay it off…while there’s still some truth to that due to how the world works I decided to make changes. The way it was for years coming into this year was that I just used my credit card for everything and put all my extra money towards my credit card bill every month. It finally caught up to me as I had been maxing out my card sooner and sooner every month so all the money I was putting into it meant nothing and I couldn’t buy anything (was mainly using it for food. So I signed up with a credit debt control company and they’ll be taking my money to get my credit card paid down and off instead of just trapped in paying interest forever. Very difficult adjustments are being made in my life to live without a credit card, but so far it’s not much worse than how it was with a constantly maxed card and now I’m working towards being debt-free. Learning to eat out less, shop better, cook more, manage the little money I have leftover after bills better, sacrifice things I would normally buy all the time…sucks but I’ve done this before in the past and I have to. I’m always in my head about the “what if” of some other crisis that comes along preventing me from committing to a program like this, but I’ve lived in the same place and worked the same jobs since 2012 so I had to do it while I’m stable enough to commit to it before any crisis or change comes.
I really have to thank my co-workers at GAMESWAP and GFS for setting aside food for me and listening to me whine about this. I also thank my best friend Sarah for being there for me too. Thank you all.
In Blogger news, I’ve been very slack in updates and working on projects as I’ve been distracted by things I shouldn’t have been distracted by. I have been on top of my BWTB PokéMon GO page and updating The DrGAKMAN Secret Menu page and items but I really need to do more for my other pages and projects. I also need to devote more time to enjoy my collections of music, movies & games which I did earlier this year and it felt good to relax/enjoy without always constantly working or worse, being distracted.