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3.03.2021

Attention

 Most people want attention.  Not just to receive it, but to give it...like it was currency.  That's why they announce things irl life like as if they had an online or tv audience, why they give & take entertainment, attract drama, get in fights, seek sympathy, "love" or other emotions...sometimes even out of boredom.

I think sometimes this is okay, a personality trait or even human nature...but it's never okay to be like this all the time, living for it or driven by it.  I used to accuse people of doing it in my mind, but I know I've done it myself and I'm making an effort not be that way.  Getting rid of social media really helped in that.

I still have this blogger and my YouTube, but moreso for myself since any audience I have through them is not for seeking any fame.  I like to create things others enjoy, I like to be praised or complimented, I like when a pretty girl smiles at me...but today (February 26TH) is my bday and I'm trying to come to the wisdom of discerning attention vs loneliness.

I have been alone (physically and as a single person) a lot of my life and I don't think most people have or could deal with that amount of being alone.  Mostly I like being alone, though...I have so many personal ideas & projects that I need the "me time" to work on and enjoy them for myself.  I also enjoy getting to know myself and the best way I see to do that is in being alone.  Sure, you also have to be able to like yourself being around and interacting with others, but it's a balance.

Throughout my life I'd go through these phases of (desperately) seeking attention from others (sometimes thinking it was love, maybe?) then I'd realize I was just being used (they fed off the attention I'd give them until they were done with it) so then I'd be a hermit avoiding to give or receive any attention.  I say phases like it being an on/off switch...my emotions and mentality is always active so I can't flip that like a switch, but I make choices to go to or stay away from others in phases.

Just writing some thoughts here for others to think about...and if not that, then maybe this'll just be for myself.

I think there'd be more real love in this world and less heartache if we didn't treat attention like a form of currency.